Ali Barone

I go through a phase every once in a while where food does not satisfy.  Sometimes I cant even chew it.  This is a corner I turn only when I have a severe situation in my life.  I call it "dead babies" when the food in my mouth feels like the texture of dead babies and I can't even swallow.

But right now It just doesn't taste good.  I just ate a disappointing bowl of granola for instance.  All signs would point to a delicious choice, 1st pass out of a fresh bag of vanilla almond granola, frosty cold vanilla soy milk and a lovely spot in the sun to enjoy.  I made it about 1/2 way through then let out an disgruntled sigh I usually only hear my black lab Angus blow when he's bored.

I started really feeling the matter in my mouth.  Cardboard in taste and structure.  The liquid was clinical. It was making my jaw hurt.  

What I want to know is... why can't I just enjoy my food?  Is it because I am vegan? As I age are my taste buds dilapidating? Or is this just a symptom of a larger disorder?  Is my lack of interest in food linked to a potential whiling spiral of fatigue in another aspect of my life?????

I need answers.

And something delicious.

I have these reflective times in my life, usually immediately followed by a a block of "I'm FAR tooooo busy".  It's a vicious circle, a figure 8, one block feeding into the next.  Reflect, dig deep, get scared, swim up up up for your dear life to that shallow place and hope you don't get the bends.  I haven't gotten the bends once but I do dizzy myself from the up and down of it all.   It's really so easy to get caught up in drama, bullshit, "_________" du jour.  How does one stay grounded, feet firmly in Gods own soil rooted deep deep as not to falter?  Fucked if I know.  Every time I think I've got it figured out I do another face plant into the cement.  Einstein once said.. "Nothing changes until something moves"  This is the law of inertia newtons 1st law of motion.  But this too applies to people/situations/life more than just a ball traveling through the air.  We can't find a better way "change" unless our consciousness shifts.. "something moves"  problem is sometimes you move and no one moves with you. The high road can be pretty lonely.  Does the road get narrow or really super wide? Who cares when the result is the same.. you standing there by yourself.  And I assume remain there until someone else enlightens, then you have a partner to chat with.  On the big wide dusty road of higher consciousness.  Then you can kick rocks and pontificate.  I would like to find the higher conciseness that is lush and green and filled with like minded friends where we all sing the coke add from the 70's 

(I'd like to teach the world to sing

Not really... but you get the picture. Sometimes I just feel like "can't we all just get along"

Because.. I am on the same side as you .. my dear.